A Conversation with Jamela Black and the Impact the Black Community Faces with Social Media Silencing

Jamela Black, a program manager in the Washington DC area, always assumed that marriage and children would be a part of her life. But when she found herself divorced, she was devastated. The end of her marriage was difficult for her, but she came to understand that while she could find happiness on her own, she would feel "deeply angry and saddened" if she didn't have children. At her mother's suggestion, she decided to explore the option of having kids on her own using a sperm donor, although this decision was not made lightly.

As a Black woman, being a single mother by choice is not something that is often discussed. "It's not something that is commonly done, and if it is, you usually have to be wealthy, and you're certainly not Black. Who would ever choose to be a single mother?"

She continues, "In the Black community, conversations around single-parent households—especially those led by single mothers—are often linked to struggle. There’s a perception that the rise in crime rates is due to the father not being in the home. This ties back to historical narratives about welfare and its origins. We often hear phrases like 'no womb, no wedding, no womb.”

She decided to film her story across TikTok and Instagram as a way to combat the stigma surrounding IVF and challenge what she refers to as the “manosphere,” which often criticizes single women. “I'm an educated woman with a great career, and I'm fully embracing this journey. I wanted to change the perception of what motherhood can look like. By sharing my experience on social media, I hoped to broaden the reference points for motherhood and emphasize that it is my right to choose to be a mother. It's a decision I am truly proud of.”

Initially, she viewed this as a victory lap, her “comeback” story, and TikTok seemed like the perfect platform to share it. But she didn’t start posting right away. Instead, she waited to announce her pregnancy success on social media. However, her IVF experience didn't go as planned and took far longer than she had initially thought it would. So after multiple cycles of IVF, at first, she ditched her solo mom content creator idea and just started posting about fashion.

Soon, she realized that she wanted to let people in on her journey, even without a big pregnancy announcement.

In her "Choosing Motherhood" series, Jamela shared her experiences to parenthood through video after video, documenting her trips to the doctor, waiting for results, and talking about choosing a donor with her audience, whom she describes as primarily supportive.

Online, she felt loved and appreciated, and she built a community around her story. Many of her followers understood what she was going through during her lows, when her cycles weren’t working, and her highs when she received news that she was pregnant with twin girls. It was joyous and comforting, and she says it changed her life.

“In your sharing, it invites people to really challenge and ask themselves the limitations that they put on themselves and also the judgment that they place on other people. It's just it's a beautiful thing.”